Running

I haven't posted anything in a long time but I am in a very contemplative mood tonight and decided to write about running. This post is a brief glimpse of running for me. It doesn't even begin to capture all of the moments I've had with running but maybe I can catch a few moments so you can see a brief snapshot of what running is to me.

So why do I run? I know there are all of these obvious answers: it makes me feel good, it gives me endorphins, it keeps me healthy, it keeps me sane, etc, etc. But WHY? What does it feel like? Why is it so addicting? Why do I crave it after wearing my body out after a brutal speed workout? Why do I want to run more miles after just completing a long run?

It's the pounding of the ground under my feet as I make each step. I'm moving. It's not flying - I'm not that fast (yet). But everything is at a different speed. At some point my legs ache. They ask me to stop but they are so familiar with the rhythm that they keep moving. Everything moves around me. I'm closer to the ground without the obstruction of a vehicle. Everything is seen at a whole new perspective. The sky changes color. It's always shifting, even in the middle of the day. I always want to capture how the sky looks against the mountains or the trees. Always different colors, altered with the seasons. The scenery too. In the summer everything is bright and green. Lots of colors with dazzling sunlight and blazing heat that twists my stomach in knots. Fall brings new colors and a shift in temperature. Leaves crunch underfoot. When winter hits I always long for the heat of summer. But even in the dull grays and browns of winter there is beauty. The air is cold and crisp. It's refreshing - once I get warmed up. Sometimes I'm lucky to run in the magic of this cold season. A bright, ice-blue sky; a wonderland covered in frost and fog; or the pure, blinding white of new snow covering the ground.

The senses are addicting. To see and hear and smell and feel all of these beautiful things around me. But running is more than physical. It is also mental. We process so many emotions. Anger, sadness, frustration, bliss, wonder, love. All of the negative feelings subside after a time. Somehow they arise to the surface, despite all efforts to bury them. And then the wind takes it away with my words or the ground draws it out of my pounding steps. I find peace. The positive feelings are only amplified. Love for family and friends, how unique and special each one is; how to better serve those around me; how to live life better - fuller. And every moment is that much more intense.

And then there is everything else. Feeling my muscles tense before a hard run or being so strung up I can hardly wait to get out the door. Seeing the finish line and my family cheering and wanting to cry from a rush of emotions but as soon as I do I realize I can't breathe. Knowing I can do hard things.

The miles pass and it's not always blissful or enjoyable in the moment but it is beautiful and wild and amazing and hard. And it is worth every moment.

The Proposal

I know it has been forever since I actually posted something on my blog but here you go! I have finally met the love of my life, Clint Hortin. He is so amazing and he makes me so happy. We are officially engaged and here's the story!

Alright, well Clint told me we were going to look at rings. He came and picked me up and we went into Logan. On the drive he asked if we could go to second dam. And I said, "Sure...But I thought we were going to look at rings?" 

He assured me we were but he just wanted to go for a walk first. I agreed and put my suspicions out of my mind. When we got to second dam I noticed he grabbed a bag out of his car. I didn't really think anything of it. Then as we started walking on the boardwalk along the water I got really really nervous. Clint kept pointing out all of the fish in the water (he has an eye for finding fish) and I wouldn't let go of his hand!! For some reason I thought if I had his hand he wouldn't propose - real logical, I know. Plus I didn't want to take my attention off of him, in case he all of a sudden ended up on one knee. 

We made it to the end of the boardwalk - the whole time I was looking for people he knew. We were going to go across the bridges but then he pulled me over to this grassy area to look at a chain link fence...I was like, "There's nothing over here..."

He replied with something but I wasn't really paying attention.  So after getting another wave of nerves I just latched onto him in a big bear hug. After a while I think he realized I wasn't about to let go. He started telling me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to be with me for eternity. He finally managed to pry me off of him, and I did reluctantly let go too. Then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was completely speechless. I finally said yes. I kept repeating, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." It was really the only thing I could say. For like 20 minutes.


And that's the story! BTW the ring is absolutely gorgeous and he picked it out all his own! He knows me well!! It's simple and absolutely beautiful! 

We are both so excited for this next step in life. Some have said that we've moved too fast but if it's right, it's right and there's no need to prolong things. We both love each other and we are both seeing things realistically. We know it's not happily ever after but we are excited to face the future together. <3

Day Four - Juliet, Day Five - Heartbreak

Day Four and Five in one post, sorry. Emotions can be overwhelming and lately they are all sad topics in my writing. For Day Four I chose to write about Juliet. I simply love the story of Romeo and Juliet. I often put myself in her shoes, trying to imagine how hard loving Romeo must have been. Beautiful story, tragic ending.


A cool breeze blew across Juliet's face, tugging at the loose strands of her chocolate brown hair. Normally the night would have felt magical. Fireflies glowed softly amidst the shrubbery. The stars shown brighter than ever seemed possible. The wind rustled through the leaves, sounding like whispered voices in the distance. She hugged her shawl tighter around her and gazed down at the balcony. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears. At first she tried to blink them away but finally gave in and let them slide down her cheeks. She traced her fingers across the railing thinking back to the previous night.

Last night had been so perfect. So wonderful. She recalled Romeo climbing the thick vines, reciting words that made her heart race. Then he was beside her, brushing her hair from her face oh so tenderly...

She looked up at this deep brown eyes gazing intently upon her. Her heart fluttered nervously. A man had never looked at her so intensely before. He leaned closer until his lips met hers in a soft kiss...

That kiss had changed her whole world. She knew she had loved Romeo before, but the kiss deepened their love in a way she didn't thinkwas possible. It was impossible to forget and now they both knew they were destined to be together forever.

They had spent the rest of the night walking through the lovely gardens of exotic flowers. Romeo shared a whole new world with Juliet, a world of magic and wonder. They laughed and teased each other but sometimes grew serious as their passion for each other grew more and more intense.

Romeo had left at sunrise, vowing to return and be with her forever. However, unfortunate events had taken place. Romeo had been exiled. They were never to see each other again. She could feel her heart breaking and swelling at the same time. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Nothing mattered except Romeo...And she couldn't have him...


Day Five isn't much happier. Heartbreak was the topic so I wrote about Kara Lee losing Johnny. This one is shorter. I honestly couldn't dwell on the subject for too long.


Kara Lee lay curled up on her bed. She hugged her pillow tight as tears streamed from her eyes. Her soft black hair fanned out henind her. A choked sob escaped her lips. She closed her hazel eyes tight and shook her head, trying to shake the pain from her mind.

Johnny had been her whole world. He was so frustrating and stubborn, but she loved him for everything. At first he had refused to acknowledge her but somehow she had broken his defenses and they had fallen in love. But now he had decided to be an idiot again! Breaking promises, missing dates. He had missed graduation tonight, after swearing he would be there. She she sent him away. Too many broken promises. She would get her hopes up every time, only to have them shattered when she never saw his face. He had apologized of course, but if he really cared wouldn't he be there?

She held her pillow tighter and glared with sorrow into the distance. For her own sanity she couldn't put herself through anymore pain but now her heart was breaking. It felt as if it had been shattered into a million pieces. The grief was overwhelming. She didn't want to be healed, nothing to put her back together again, but it would be nice to be taken away from the pain, simply be numb.

Day Three - Regret

Emotion for the day is Regret. This one was a tough one for me, seeing as I don't regret anything I've done in my life. So I chose to use a couple of characters that I know like the back of my hand, makes sense because I created them. I realize I am posting a day late, but I had a late night last night and was too exhausted to post until this morning. Enjoy. :)

After a long day Johnny returned to his quarters. Quietly he sat down on his bed, earlier events running through his mind. An overwhelming sense of grief hit him like a blow to the chest. He grimaced at this unforeseen agony.

She was gone. And it was his fault. He tried to push the thought from his mind, but found it impossible. Her face appeared in his mind, clear as a picture. Soft black hair fell around her face, hazel eyes shining as bring as the sun...He could even hear her tingling laughter in his ears.

A yell of frustration exploded from his mouth. He grabbed his pillow and chucked in across the room. Unsatisfied he grabbed the next closest object: he dagger. This too he threw across the room. With amazing accuracy he hit a tapestry of a dragon square between the eyes. It still wasn't enough. The regret was torture and so overwhelming. How could he just miss the one night that was so important? He had been too concerned with himself, not just tonight but for the past several weeks. Missing one night was one thing, but several? It was inexcusable. How could he have been so stupid?!

A mix of fury and agony flashed in his eyes. He needed to take his mind off the pain. He stood up and slapped the bedpost with as much force as he could muster, digging his nails into the wood. The pain numbed his mind for a second. He choked back a strangled sob. Next her swung at the few possessions he owned. A picture frame fell to the stone floor and shattered. The sound of breaking glass seemed to snap Johnny back to his senses for a moment. Tenderly he knelt down and retrieved the photograph amidst the jagged edges. Kara Lee gazed back at him with so much love in her eyes he could feel the crack in his heart grow deeper.

Without another word he hurried from the room, photograph still in hand.

Day Two - Joy

I decided I needed to give myself options so I didn't spend forever just thinking about writing. Three-hundred and sixty-five posts is an awful lot so if any of you have suggestions throw them out there. It would be fun to get prompts from people. Feel free to challenge me!

For the moment I wrote down several emotions and folded them up. Emotion of the day: Joy. Here's the excerpt for the day:

Sara's eyes flew open. It was her birthday today! Her bright hazel eyes glanced anxiously around her sunlit room. She was not five years old! A huge grin spread across her face. She scrambled out of bed, ran to her bedroom door, and yanked it open. "Mommy, Mommy!" she hollered as she raced down the hallway, pink nightgown flowing with her.

In her parents' bedroom her mother rolled over at her daughter's approach. "Mommy, it's my birthday!" Sara exclaimed.

Her mother gave Sara a sleepy smile. "It is, sweetheart."

"I'm five years old now!" Sara began climbing onto her mother's plush bed. She plopped down and stared at her mother, her expression still one of giddy excitement.

"Yes you are, sweetie." Her mother sat up. "And do you feel older?"

After a moment's thought Sara replied, "I do!" She crawled over towards her mother and gave her a big hug. "Mommy can we have cake now?" she asked.

Laughing, her mother returned the hug. "We have to wait for Daddy to get home tonight." She kissed the top of Sara's head. "But I canlet you open one present."

Sara pulled away, her grin even bigger than before. "Okay!"


Haha aren't kids so cute?

A Year of Writing

Last night I was inspired to improve my writing skills. Everyone knows I am completely in love with books. I could spend HOURS in a book store and easily spend at least $100 without feeling guilty. As some of you may know I started writing a book clear back in high school. I finished it once, but it needed a LOT of plot revisions so I've been working on it ever since. Last night I decided to dig it up once again and glance through it. Wow! Can I just say that I forgot how much I love my characters? The writing was amateur but I fell in love with my story once again. I really believe it has potential! Of course my writing still needs some work. So I decided to make myself a goal: A year of writing. Every day I write something and post it. Hopefully I get some good feedback. It's definitely going to take time and dedication but I can do it. :)

Here's the first post:

A sharp pain jabbed into Amanda's side with every stride she took.

Inhale....Exhale...Amanda thought calmly. Although the ache didn't go away immediately the breathing exercise seemed to help. She glanced down at her watch. Pace: 8:45. A smile briefly flashed across her face. She was right on track. Just a few more blocks and the ten miles would be up.

An upbeat rhythm played in her ears, motivating her to keep up her pace. She was vaguely aware of sweat trickling down her bow and wiped it away with the back of her hand. Although her breathing was slightly labored she felt strong. Her feet sprang lightly off the city sidewalks and her muscles felt strong, powerful. A scent of automobiles and tar hang heavy in the air. Her quick blue eyes scanned the massive buildings towering abover her. It was beautiful.

As she rounded the corner she located her penthouse a block away. Eyes narrowed in determination. The final stretch. A surge of adrenaline spread through her body. She lengthened her stride, putting her entire heart into every step. The wind caught a few loose strands of her light brown hair. It pressed against her, cooling off the sweat from her body.

This is why she ran. It felt as if she were flying.

Infatuation vs. Love

Alright, for all of you who are about to read this post please understand that I am neither infatuated nor in love! I was merely curious about the difference between the two. Here's what I found out:

When does infatuation end and love begin? Surely there is a difference between the two words. Or are they really similiar enough to be interchangeable?

Definition:
Infatuation -
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion of attraction
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion

According to this definition infatuation is foolish, maybe even blind. So maybe all love starts out as an infatuation. We meet someone and get caught up in the moment of being in love. He or she can do nothing wrong in our eyes. They appear perfect. Of course to any sensible, level-headed person this seems pretty foolish. We all know no one is perfect. Mostly this is the physical aspect of the relationship. We want to hold them or be held or kiss. We wouldn't take our hands off them if we had a choice. However the romantic rush is short-lived, as stated above, and once this stage has ended either things end or they progress. They never stand still. Both persons are continuing to move in one direction or the other. So if the infatuation is really love then the relationship will continue, regardless of flaws or fights. And if not then the passion will die with the relationship.

Definition:
Love -
1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
Synonyms: tenderness, fondness, warmth, passion, adoration

Now seeing the definition of love we see it is not an object nor foolish as the definition of infatuation stated. Instead love is a feeling towards something or someone. Love is more than just a passion, it is tender and affectionate, and a personal attachment - meaning we have invested our time and interest. Love is not just about the physical but about the mental as well. With love the person understands and accepts the other person for who he or she is. If this is the case then when the infatuation wears off in a sincere relationship love is left behind. Both persons are beginning to understand the other. For better or for worse. Secrets start coming out. You yearn to share your entire life with this one person, regardless of your past mistakes. You are no longer an independent person, but rather depending on each other for support.

So when does the line of infatuation end and love begin? When we can notice someone's flaws and imperfections and still want to be with them, knowing fair well that things won't be easy? Maybe when we honestly realize our life would seem pointless without them because our lives have somehow become intertwined with theirs. When we share their emotions and forget what everyone else looks like. Nothing matters but making he or she happy.

If infatuation is foolish and extravagant then maybe love is calm and comforting. An unexplained feeling of awe and devotion that leaves you breathless. Almost as if there is physical pain simply by being separated. A longing so deep you would merely be content just sitting next to them...


What can I say, I'm a romantic. :) And I think way too much!